Rose and me

Rose and me have been childhood friends since a long time. I remember father telling me, how John (Rose's elder brother), came from Nagpur to Harihar sleeping on the same berth of the train as him. My father and her dad have been fast friends since Nagpur days. They continued their friendship in Harihar as well. My mother became fast friends with her mother, Omana aunty. Consequently, the kids became fast friends as well!

Omana aunty is famous for her chicken biriyani. My mouth waters at the thought of her chicken biriyani. Yummy yummy yummy! Nothing else can describe her biriyani better! I remember a time when we went to Jog falls, and her yummy mommy's chicken biriyani that we had! (Slurp! My mouth waters at the thought of it.) We also celebrated Christmas with them. I still remember my mother asking my brother to refrain from having wine (he was really small at that time). But he would stealthily ask Omana aunty, or John chettan, and get him one glass (or, maybe more).

Rose and me, used to be in our own world. We used to stitch clothes for our barbies. I still remember the barbie doll that my father got me from Ernakulam. We used to believe, they were our kids, and we needed to take care of them, like our mother and father. We would build tents in the lobby of our terrace (where no one used to come), and, fry things inside. Gosh! I can't imagine how we fried corn in a cloth tent. We would have been doomed if the cloth caught fire! When Boothi sir (our PT teacher), was running a weight check, we both got upset, and cried - since we were chubby, hale and hearty kids.

She was one year older than me, and more talented. Infact, she was gorgeously talented. She used to stitch clothes for barbies, used to put mehendi, was really good at drawing, reading, and later on, she used to instruct a tailor to make specific designs, and now she's into baking - Grace Cakery is the name of her venture. I am really happy for her :-).

Though we are in different countries, I am sure, she'll not forget her childhood friend. And, though we talk twice or thrice only, but we communicate through Facebook. When we talk, we talk as if there's no barrier between us! That's called friendship.

A lesson... THINK BEFORE YOU ACT

This is a story about my Activa. Yes, this is the same story of the bike I owned since 2004 (Activa).

September 2009,  I developed a medical condition. So, doctors put a strict NO for riding a bike, driving a car or swimming, and other such activities. Since I got married to a wonderful person, he used to come pick me up when I was running back to back meetings, and while I was working.

All was good, until my dad asked me to give the bike to a cousin, who was in need. While I had no problems giving it free of cost, but I requested that he change the name in the records. But he said "Akka, I am just going use it for 2 years or so, till I buy a car. So, lets just go with the same name". While I wasn't comfortable, I agreed, thinking that he's my brother. He took it to a different town using a bus service. All was going as planned.

Then, after an year or so, he got an opportunity to travel to a foreign land. He didn't utter any word to me, until the last day. Finally I asked him, "What will my bike do sitting idle?." He replied "Akka, your bike is safe in the hands of a person. He will start it everyday." I wasn't too happy, but I thought he will get me the bike, since he travelled between the foreign land and India quarterly.

Months passed, he didn't utter a word about my Activa. He came and went, still he didn't utter a word. He fell in love with someone from the foreign land, and got engaged. I thought it was unwise to ask about my bike when he was getting engaged. So, I left it the way it was.

Finally, last year in September, I asked him the question that he most dreaded ,"What are you planning to do with my bike? Please bring it back, because it's being left unused."

Then came his wedding which was in Malaysia, and the reception which was in Cochin, my home town. I thought it'll be unwise of me to ask about my bike at the auspicious occasion, and refrained from asking him about it.

In December, after being prompted to renew the vehicle insurance, finally he said what I was waiting for. "Sis, I shall service the vehicle and plan to send it to Bangalore." I would have appreciated if he had come himself and given me the vehicle, but I didn't mind thinking that he would arrange a door to door pick up and drop. But, I was wrong. He said that there is no door-to-door pickup and drop. It will take him December 2016, at least to come to India. He asked me my complete address in January, while I agreed to make my husband go and pick it up.

Then came February, and March. Absolute silence on the vehicle. Meanwhile, they (now, husband and wife) travelled to Dubai via India, and went back to Malaysia via India (with a stop over, both times in India). And, about my bike, no news. My dad felt very bad about the entire incident. He was the one who said to me, "Give it to your brother. He'll need it. Always, it's lying unused here!." He said, "Give it to someone who needs it. It'll give you punya!". And the normal bhashans.

Then came April, when I bluntly put out the question,"What about my bike? I've waited long enough, and you can't let me stress over it." His reply came immediately, "I ran out of money in India." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this joke. A person, who owns an iPhone 6 or so, a person who has the latest technology gadgets, and took his wife to Dubai and back, says he has run out of money in India? Was he joking when he asked me in January ,"Will you pick up your bike?." I didn't know what to say!

To add to the stress levels, he said, he'd lost the RC book! Are you kidding??? You LOST the RC book???????? And the next day, when I tell him, that I got the documents, but not the originals, he replied, "I found the RC book. It was in his friend's locker". The same friend who agreed to start the vehicle everyday. I mean, how can you trust such a friend ???

All this time, I got freaked, I woke up from my sleep thinking the RC book was lost, and had dreams that my activa met with an accident, and I was standing in a courtroom, addressing a judge. Thank God, it was just a dream!

I think I'll keep on dreaming like this, till the Activa comes to me. Till it's picked up from the location. And till it's picked up from the place where the bus will dump it, and till it reaches my door-step... I miss my Activa!

I believe, when you do something good to people, somebody else helps you when you are in need. I hope, this incident doesn't erase this belief of mine.

It's Mother's Day... Hurray

So, finally came - The Mother's Day.  Though I have seen a lot of mother's day and ignored them, I know deep in my heart that mothers are one the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone. And I take this opportunity to tell my mom how much I love her, even though I am not very expressive, I want to tell her that she means a lot to me. Without her, I am all void.

I remember the time when she left us and went to Indonesia, I really missed her. I used to cry in the closet. Mother, I really missed you during those days. However, you have more than made up for it. You left dad and came to live with us. Even though dad would have found it hard to live without you, you sacrificed yourselves to stay with us. I cannot imagine living with a meagre income of 8000, but you made it possible. Even now, I wonder why you like travelling by bus, when you have an option of taking a taxi. I wonder how you prefer walking long distances, in search of vegetables and pulses that are cheapest. From where do you get the energy for doing it? You jump to make our favourite dishes when we demand on the fly. Although it's wrong on our part to be demanding, but still you make them without any complaints. I know you have sacrificed a lot for my health, but you need to take care of yourself now. It's high time you do.

I've made fun of you for talking in a Malayalee accent. But you were determined to talk in English. I really admire the confidence you have. I have made fun of you for not knowing how to use a computer, repeatedly. You stood strong like a rock even then. I make fun of your general knowledge. Even then you took it lightly. I have shouted loudly at you. But you never retorted. I know I have done things like this multiple times, but everytime you forgave me.

This article is to tell you that I love you a lot! Though my love for you will continue being unexpressive, I will always admire you. I have a lot to learn from you which I will, when I become a mother too. Words cannot do justice to my love for you.

With this, I put a full-stop. I end with -

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

Believe in Middle men?

"Middle men" is what they are known as. Saints or Sadhus - call them what ever, but I do not believe in them. That's because I'm spiritual, and not religious. Even if you are religious, why do you need middlemen? Some of them preach well. And, I respect them, for their preachings. But what I fail to understand is why do you have to PRAY to them or seek their blessings? What's the differentiating factor between you and the middlemen? Is it that god listens to them more than he listens to you? Or, is it that the middleman's prayers for you are answered immediately? What's the connection like? One to one? Oh! It has to be a one to many relationship in some religions. :) 

Let me talk of an episode where I started disliking middlemen (henceforth, I'll refer to them as MM). A MM needs to have some boundaries. I vividly remember one episode where I was asked to come to a room to sort out stamps of a certain MM. I might have been 17 - 18 years of age at that time. And, I had no voice of my own. I felt uncomfortable. But I sorted the stamps fearing that he might end up doing the not-so-doable, and then I scooted from there. Never looked at his face again. I saw the same MM pinching a girl. These are situations that anyone can be in, but I didn't have the courage to tell him that as a swamiji he's losing even the respect he has made for himself in the society. 

These are small incidents that shaped my life of disliking MM. Even if you are religious, why don't you have a one to one relationship with GOD. Why take to the MM? Take it up directly with GOD. I believe, if you do good deeds, only good will come to you. I believe firmly that instead of doing pujas in a temple, feeding the poor earns you more respect as a member of the society. These are my beliefs. And they'll stay. But, if you are a god believer, then please do not entertain the so-called middlemen. They'll preach, pray for you and leave. Finally it's "jaisi karini waisi bharani" -> "What you sow, so you reap".

3-weeks into Radiation

4th week into radiation. How does it feel? Everyone asks me about it. Well, it feels tiring, traumatised by hair loss, sleepless nights, sleepy mornings :-) I've got to be careful about every thing related to me - for e.g., I shouldn't catch infection. I manage to do this with proper planning. For example, last week I visited friends at a restaurant. Initial weeks, I used to go out, but that has reduced.

So, what can we do about hair loss? Well, the first thing is being comfortable with who you are. That's being overly positive. But, it really helps. Secondly, it's being able to carry the bald look. Well,  I know how tough it can be. It's never been easy. Trust me, you'll feel better if you're bald. For e.g., take me for instance. I cut my hair short once before the surgery. And then got a boy cut done with care before radiation began. Then, I was so stressed out, because starting 3rd week, I lost hair in 2 - days :-) . So, I went to the doctor, consulted him, and asked him if it's alright to shave it off. He said ok. So, I had a hair cut by my husband :-) Btw, I still wear caps when I am outside :-)

All said and done, I have a support system which will always be there for me. And, I am waiting for the radiation + chemotherapy to be over, so that I can plan a trip to Masinagudi, which I happened to miss last time, thanks to the diagnosis!

Signing off on a positive note : Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

Hey there - I am alive and kicking!

I've undergone my surgery. The tumour was removed successfully. However, I have residues left.  The diagnosis turned out to be a high grade tumour, due to which I have to undergo Radiotherapy + Chemotherapy. I have speaking difficulties - Since I know many languages, (I am a jack of all languages, master of none :-) ) I speak in a mixture of all languages. I have word - finding difficulties. I go blank when I think of a word I need to speak. All that said and done, I am fine. 

I underwent my first chemo + radio session for last 5 days. As long as tiring is concerned, I am tired. Can't go to office anymore. Need to sleep a lot. 12+ hours a day. But I've brought about a routine in life that was missing. I do www.lumosity.com in the mornings. Some yoga when I find time :-). I nap in the noons. Then the dose of medicines starts. And, off to the hospital. Then, evening walks. And, off-to-bed by 9 - 10. 

This is what was missing from life, and I am grateful to almighty that this has proven to be a blessing in disguise. I tend to plan ahead of time. And, this is great! My husband comes for walks with me. He takes me to the Radiotherapy sessions. I am so so so greatful to have found someone like him :-)

Amma is there with me continuously. And, I cannot thank her enough. Dad shuttles between brother's house and here. Friends came over to see me. Family was there throughout. I've got nothing to complain about :-) 

But be cheery and merry!

And, Hey!  Merry Christmas to one and all! There ends my first post after the surgery. More to follow.

Life is not about Facebook pictures, selfies or parties!

I have always been hesitant in writing this post. However, it happens to be one of the posts that might inspire many who are going through a tough phase of life.

Life poses many challenges - it could be an examination failure, a broken marriage, not being able to grow in our careers, many many such. Life's all about how we walk through, and come out, stronger, and ever more vibrant.

I always post the best moments of my life on Facebook. I always like portraying myself as a happy person(not that I am not). But that's not life! Give me a break, how can life always be an "and lived happily after?" tale. I hate telling my woes to my family or friends (spare a few :-) ). But this one, is something that everyone needs to know.

It is very important to have a positive family with a happy outlook. My biggest blessing is that. We do not have surprise parties, we do not believe that ONLY people who wish at 12 a.m are the best of friends/family. We do not believe that life is all about social networking. We might not call each other for ages, but we will still be best of friends/family whenever we do! We believe in being present at a time when a person needs us the most.

So.. here goes my happily ended fairly tale:
In 2009, I had a generalized seizure in a bus. Upon investigation, I'd been diagnosed with a brain tumour, very close to my speech centre. Being fond of talking, this was a concern for me :-). We took a second opinion, and decided to get the tumour removed. But there was a caveat. My doctor wanted to do an awake surgery, in order to ensure that my speech centre is not harmed. Well, the first question that arose was - How can that happen? Won't I feel pain? And the doc says "The brain does not feel pain".  I did not read much about this. However, it was I, who took the decision to do the surgery. Most of the times, awake surgeries are not successful, because the patient does not respond well. So, I had to train myself mentally to ensure that I extend full co-operation to the doctors who were operating on me. I read books, remembered my hospital number, and I told my sister-in-law who also works at the hospital to ask me a few things, so that she can ensure I am doing well. In fact, this was when I started reading Harry Potter and I'd told her to ask me quizzes on that! All said and done, I had to ensure that I could remember 5 languages - English,  Konkani, Kannada, Malayalam and Hindi.

I fairly remember being taken to the Operation theatre. But I do not remember anything until I was woken up by the team of doctors. They constantly asked me to talk. And, I kept on talking. In between when I got bored, I spoke to my husband on phone! I made sure I kept the talking going on - My speech was dear to me! I remember lecturing a doctor who asked me if it's hurting, saying "The brain does not feel pain!". This was a 7-hour surgery with me being awake for around 2 hours. After this, I had to undergo another one in 2-days, to remove a few residues.

I went through all this, without realizing  anything, because I had a family that cared for me. My husband stayed with me through out the 10-days I was in the hospital. He made it fun for me, by showing me sit-coms, movies and you-tube videos. My mother-in-law's sisters took turns to visit me. My mother was always with me. My dad visited me everyday. I remember my concerned relatives visiting me one by one. My grandfather was the most concerned of the lot! I totally understand why. My sister-in-law who worked at the hospital, could silently sneak in interesting snacks for me :-). All in all, I never felt un-cared for. I had such a huge support, that I never had the time to even think of the word "care".

I took a month's medical leave, and got back to a happy working life in 1 month. Most people did not even know that I went through this, because I had no scar on my head. (I could cover a small scar very easily with my bangs or long hair). It's been close to 5 years, and I even changed jobs without realizing what I'd been through. Of course, when I look back, I find it difficult to believe that I was so strong. It was a very different me in that one month of "vacation". It's almost like I had a split personality!

In these 5 years, I've had beautiful moments - My one-month Europe trip was the best thing that happened to me! Thanks Nimmy for being there! My brother had a healthy baby boy, and he is already up and running! I've made the most wonderful friends, and our bond has only grown stronger :-) . We've discussed our ups and downs, and the bond grows stronger every time we speak, however rare that be! My family and friends were the best things that happened to me. I've had my bad times too, like everyone does. But my support system outdoes all that!

I had a small residual tumor left behind after my surgery, because it was very close to my speech area. Hence, I keep doing 6-monthly MRI-checkups. In my recent scan it has re-surfaced, and I need to do the same procedure again! I, who had told "never ever" to an awake surgery, is preparing myself for another one. This time, I know there are 70% chances of radiation to follow, but I am trying to stay calm. I need to take rest and mentally prepare for the battle that follows. The best thing is, I have the same support system, albeit 5-years older, but they have the same enthusiasm that'll keep me going.

This one's dedicated to all my family and friends, who have been with me in person or in spirit. I love you guys more than anything else!
And, to my husband - I am looking forward to many more road-trips! We missed the Eiffel last time, I'm positive we'll go back!