Sociality

We live in huge societies barricaded by tall walls of caste, language, region, religion, etc. “Society”, or, should I say “sociality” is one of the basic attributes of human beings. We all like to live in our own groups, and very often, we define ourselves according to the “majority” of the group. We all have personal preferences, but, if our personal preferences conflict with that of the group, the fear of alienation makes us believe, we are wronging, and, those preferences get buried deep under the sand. Groupism gives a sense of belonging to human beings, and, in turn, and huge degree of moral support. Often, the fear of loneliness, and abandonment, makes people confine themselves to the ideas of the group. The group whose walls are defined by the immediate family, by the caste and religion, is the first group every individual is a part of by default (in India). The other groups form gradually with time. They include friends, colleagues, etc.

Often, groups suppress individualism. This has its advantages, as well as disadvantages. An individual may suppress his desires to abide to the group, and he’ll be called a good team player. He might have sacrificed uphis own “desires” for the group’s well-being, and this would be acceptable to him. However, on the other hand, (and this is usually the case) certain individuals bury their passions and desires with the fear of abandonment. This brings in a lot of dissatisfaction in life. Very often, such behavior will lead to a loss of inner happiness, and the individual ends up leading a life according the whims and fancies of the group.



A few examples of the advantages and disadvantages of “groupism”.

• Rekha belongs to an orthodox South Indian Brahmin family, and lives in a village. She has topped her 12th std board exams, and wants to study in a good college in a city. However, people in her village do not let girls go to cities without getting them married. She succumbed to these ideas, and got married to a city guy to pursue her dream of studying in a city college. However, after marriage, she was not allowed to study, as her husband didn’t want a wife more qualified than him and, she had to again sacrifice her desires.

• Anitha and her friends wanted to go for a movie. Out of the 10, she was the only one who watched the movie, but, she decided to go along with her friends once again. In this case, Anitha did sacrifice for the group, but, she did it out of her own willingness.

The Auto Rides

It has been a while since I penned down anything, and my avid readers are complaining. It's not that I didn't have anything to write, nor is it that I was time-tied, I was just too lazy, and, I spent all my time in my own dream space I have carved for myself and my own self, and only my own own own self :-)

Well, it was during the May-June time frame, that I attended a lot of farewell parties - One by one, everyone seems to be moving out to achieve their career ambitions. I felt so glad for a few of my friends, and, at the same time, I did wish I could step into their shoes ! Grass always looks greener on the other side - Yes, I know this, very well, so do many, but, very often we end up thinking of the IFs in life.

I mostly ride to work on my bike, and, once in a while take the bumpy auto-rides too. Its during these auto rides that I let my mind wander into any zone w/o any restrictions, and start philosophizing things around. I'm probably one of those who don't strike conversations with the auto fellows. It's not an aversion towards them - its more of a fear, and a cautionary note that I've heard since my childhood - Don't talk to strangers !

Corruption is rampant everywhere in India - be it Chennai, Bangalore, Mumbai or any corner ! And, be it construction workers, the Govt. officials, or, the Collectors, or, even the top notch entrepreneurs - corruption is present at every rung of the social ladder. Its this notion of corruption, in a way, and, the usual don't trust strangers, that makes us wary of talking to strangers, even the auto fellows. I've had experiences where, an auto fellow has cheated me royally, sometimes we fall for it, and, sometimes, we decide not to create a ruckus about it. I've also had experiences where they have been extremely nice to me. One of the auto guys I saw once, didn't want to come till my destination, and, he offered me a ride to (free of cost)the nearest auto station, as he was going that side anyway . And, sometimes, I've had these old drivers strike interesting conversations with me, and, the journey goes so smooth with a conversation flowing by. Recently, I took an auto on one of the bomb scare days, and, the network they have is so amazing - He had every bit of information on which area is safe, and which not, and, what I liked about him, is that, unlike others, he was more worried about getting his customer to her destination safely, than about negotiating for an extra tip !

Somehow, small interesting events like these, make a believe, tat we shouldn't enter an auto with preconceived notions that they're gonna cheat us - Very often, they're much nicer than our notions about them.

Irrational

Work had gotten mundane, and esp after the SIP (hike), there was a lot of dissatisfaction, and, to raise the spirits, the management played the trump card - Threw some money to have fun, to cheer up the sad people :) I dont know if it worked, but, I did have a good time :)

6 teams of my Brand called "Rational", all having around 30-50 people came up with themes for the day (called the Irrational day), and, it was amazing to see the level of participation from all the teams ! Never had I imagined that in a software industry, I could find so much participation in an event. It truely reflected the team spirit, and the awesome bonding b/w the team members.

In particular, my team came up with a "Back to School" theme. Childhood memories became alive when I wore a school uniform, with a tie and shoes, wore ribbons, and sat in a classroom (The work place was converted into a classroom by using Maps, globes, White boards, teachers, princpal,Vice principal, and students). And, add to it, the fact that we added a good cause to the whole story. We asked everyone to buy some classroom materials for our school day, so that after the event we could donate it to some school.

All in all, today was a perfect showcase of team work, dedication, passion, fun, and what not !

Few pics are uploaded at : http://www.orkut.co.in/Album.aspx?uid=7887852890920641923&aid=1215168175

Deep from inside...

I was very happy in the morning.. Woke up early, came really early to work, did quite some boring work, but finished a chunk of it - everything was moving according to my plan.. But, someone broke the entire chain of satisfaction. A stupid meeting, and a caller hurt my ego.. I've read about flaring male egos. But, this one s a female ego.. Much stronger.. I just kept quiet throughout the meeting. Not cos I was weak enough to punch back, but I pitied those poor souls at the receiving end..

Ok.. I wrote the first paragraph in the afternoon when I was red with anger.. But, now, I am finding it difficult to continue it, cos, I've quite forgotten the event! (Pretty fast eh??)

I sit back now, and think of the word "Emotion".. It sometimes comes out like a jet of fast flowing water, and gets to a very destructive level, and finally subsides - like a Volcano does. "Emotions" can show you two extremes on the same day - Extreme depression, and Immense happiness. I sometimes begin to wonder, how my mood can fluctuate between two extremes on a single day. It maybe the recent failures I've witnessed in my career plans, and on the personal front, or, it maybe the quarter-life crisis at its zenith, or as some old aunts say it might be a "Shani Dasha". Nevertheless, its become a prominent part of my life.

I'm just reminded of a line (Probably the only line worth remembering, and that too, worth remembering, cos, it was told to me by someone worth remembering) from Chetan Bhagath's "Three Mistakes Of My Life". In my own words, it means "There is a small corner of the brain where we store all the miseries of life, and this corner is shut mostly. And, when a new misery befalls us, we open this corner to add the new misery into it, and all the miseries flow out at that time".. How true ! I can genuinely associate with it, cos, whenever I feel lonely or depressed, very often, I end up recalling all the bad times I've had.. However, after hearing this, I made a conscious effort to think of the beautiful things around me when I was sad, and, trust me, I did see the elegant part of life :) Yes, agreed its not a very practical thing always, but, with a constant trial, things may just work out :)

Life of a 23 something girl...

7:00am.
Phone rings. Trrrrrring trrrrrring...
Voice on the other end : Hello beta. How are you?
Asha: I'm good amma. Getting ready to go to office.
Voice on the other end : Oho. Had breakfast ?
Asha: No amma, will have at work.
Voice: Ok. Ride Safely. Btw, we got hold of a "case".
Asha: What case?
Voice: The guy is working in a reputed firm. Earns pretty well too. And he's in the US.
Asha: So?? (I woke up 15 mins before, and this is what I hear first thing in the morning! And yes, btw proposals are referred to as "cases" in Indian families.. lol)
Voice: Well, see beta, you are getting old, and, so are we... (Raam katha started..)
Asha: Ok Need to rush to office.. TTYL.. Bbye

HUNG

10 am:
TRRRINN TRRRINGG
Asha: Hello.
Voice: Hello beta.. So, that case I was talking to you about.. The guy is.. blah blah blah. You see, u ll just need to take a break from ur career and go to US. Forget CAT beta, you can try somethign small there..
Asha: (Burning with rage...) I WILL NOT SACRIFICE MY CAREER..

THUD... Phone down :D

1 pm :
TRRRING TRRRING
Asha: Hello (Sigh..)
Voice: Beta, How are u ?
Asha: I'm good. (Wonder why ppl ask me the same question when they know the answer to it ;))
Voice: So, there s one more "case"...
Asha: having luch will call later.. Bye..
(Sigh !!!)

4 pm:

TRRRRING TRRRING
Asha: Hello (Sigh.. Sigh..)
Voice: So, this guy .. (Gosh, There was no hello.. Straightaway "GUY")
Asha: Mama, pls do whatever you please no... Chill !!

6 pm:
Voice: Hello
Asha: Hello, I am going out for dinner with friends today. Will be the last one, as they re leaving outta town for furthur studies. Will be back home by 10.
Voice: 10 !!!!!! Is that a time when girls return home ? Its not meant for our culture !!! Dont give us tension. If you go out like this we'll not find guys for you!!!
Asha: Ok. Will try to come back soon amma.. Dont worry. Its not always that I go. Its their last day, and probably the last time I am going out with them.
Voice: K. (ANGRY)

THUD


9:30 pm
TRRRING TRRRING
Asha: Hello.
Voice: Reached home?
Asha: Actually, just one round of starters is over, I ll leave after the main course.
Voice: WHAAAATTTT ? U re not yet home?????? Pack up NOW !!! Is this a time for girls to stay out ??? OMG ! Look at how our daughter has grown up...
Asha: Ok. Leaving NOW...

10 pm
Voice: Hello
Asha: Reached home ma.
Voice: Blaj blah blah blah blah.... blah blah blah blah blah... Blah blah blah blah bla.... (You can guess this...)
Asha: Ok, I am just bugged of life !!
Voice: Stop ur studies.. A degree is enough for a gurl.. Time you get married.. NO MORE HIGHER STUDIES... blah blah blah blah blah... blah blah blah blah blah


This is the story of a 23 something in a conservative Indian family. No matter what level of education you're capable of achieving, no matter how capable you are, no matter how high a dream you have, its time you go to that corner of the house called "kitchen", and cook something for your husband, if not, learn to cook some thing for ur future husband. Its time you get married to anyone what so ever, so that your parents can happily sit back and lay the burden off their shoulders. Its time you forget your business dreams, shed that extra weight, stop wearing those baggy jeans and tees, stop partying, and sit at home, to "create" that impression.

In an era, when business decisions are made over a couple of drinks, or, say, a game of golf, and, if, being a woman, you dont drink, nor play a game of golf, is it fair that you lose out on the opportunity of being a part of that decision, when you have the same caliber ? Hmm.. its not necessary that you drink, or play a game of golf, but making your presence felt, and being a part of the business is not that difficult right??

Its just a thought I always have in mind.. Why does life after 20+ suddenly seems biased towards the darker gender? I hope the former generation realizes the need for gender equality, and we get a fair share of everything enjoyed by the darker sex, as, we're equally able, equally hard working, and we have equal rights to indulge in all that they do !

The Quarter Life Crisis....

I reached home at 7 PM today, and realized, I had no energy to even step into the kitchen for a glass of water. As usual I shouted "AMMA Water..." And zoooooooinkkkk came a glass of chilled water. Drank it, didn't speak a word, and rushed into my room to open my books to read. Meanwhile dad came with a few doubts about using Excel sheets. Patience running out, I tried explaining, but it was hard. I felt like I was teaching a cat to swim ! I ended up shouting :D. Heard a few lectures from them on how to behave. I quietly heard them (I knew I was wrong.) Later, went for dinner and got back to my books. Suddenly I realized, I had to complete some stuff for work. And boom I was in front of the comp.

THATS the LIFE OF TWENTY TWO PLUS IN BANGALORE.

Sitting in my room, I started thinking of how life has changed in two years. A "happy go lucky" me in college, cool-headed during examinations, life was just about studying a day or two before an examination, and chilling for the rest of the time. The sole aim in life was to get good grades. And it now looks like the easiest part of life :D

I came across this phenomenon called the "Quarter life Crisis", when one of my cousins shared with me a link on it. I call it a phenomenon, because its prevalent in everyone in the age group of 20 - 30, no matter who. Its a transitional phase of life, where we find ourselves suddenly out into the open world, with a whole lot of choices, but with very less wisdom to make the right choice. The mind is always unhappy, and striving for the better.

Few symptoms are -
** I worked so hard for the project, and finally, my manager gave credit to my peer !
** He's got a double promotion, and look at me, I'm still at level 1, when I've done almost what he's done.
** All my friends are striving for a Post graduation, and here I am, still hungry for a B School seat, and not finding one !
** Her guy got her a diamond ring, and my guy hasn't even given me a plastic ear-ring set :(
** He has a beautiful girl-friend, and look at MY....
** He's already got a car !! And I don't even have a bike :(
** Oh, those ppl went for the match w/o inviting me :(

AND MANY more....
Being a twenty-three (I know girls lie about their age, But PROMISE I ain't) something, I realize how true this is. With every passing phase of life, we seem to encounter more challenges, and just about the time when we feel we've overcome one, another one pops from nowhere !! Its high time for me to master Risk Management skills :)

Do check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

The Squirrel’s determination

Its been a long time since I penned down something, or blogged. Writing is my favorite stress-buster, and, when I write, I feel a lot lighter in my head. Quite obviously, I mostly write when I’m disturbed, or, when I feel I’m getting de-motivated (As writing motivates me to a great extent). But today, I’m writing because I feel motivated. The source of my motivation is something unusual. It’s a mother squirrel, whom I observed in the near past.

I’ve been living in a rented house for the past 4 years or so. A small room with a computer, my bed, and my books forms an integral part of my living. One day, I realized that there was someone in the room other than me. I could hear squeaking sounds from my window. I pushed the curtain, and I saw a squirrel sitting by some junk stuff. I saw the squirrel almost everyday. Day by day, it collected twigs and hay, and built a nest between the window mesh and the door. It took almost a week for the nest to be ready.

I’m not a great lover of animals. And, quite naturally, I realized that I can’t let the squirrel stay in my room with that huge nest – Mainly, cos someday it would have kids, and the small squirrels would roam around everywhere and dirty the place. So, naturally, the very next morning, I told Valli amma (my maid) to throw the nest outside. When she removed the mesh and took the nest out, the mother squirrel jumped out of it, and ran around the house. This was followed by some squeaks and squeals from me, but, finally, we managed to get the squirrel and the nest out. Woah, what a relief it was.

The next day, I saw the mommy squirrel frantically going up and down the window, regretting the loss of her house. I felt bad for her, and wished she’d chosen some other place to build her house.

I forget about the squirrels, and I carried on with my daily activities after that incident. One day, I again heard some sounds from my window. I pushed aside the curtain, and, to my horror, I saw a nest in formation!! The squirrel was building another nest. Hmmm, I was furious. How dare he do that! So, the very next morning, I again brought Valli amma into action, and got rid of the nest. What a relief again.

The next week I was extremely busy with work, and went out of station to meet my parents. Meanwhile, when I was away, my sister-in law called me, and told, that the squirrel has borne two baby squirrels, and they’re still residing in MY WINDOW SIL!!
Woah, I was taken aback. How dare they! Impulsively, my first reaction was to destroy the nest again. But, later, some thought made me appreciate the mother squirrel for what she’d done. Her firm determination, the never give up attitude and love for her newborns had quite an inspirational story for me to learn from.

We decided not to ruin the squirrel’s family, and to let her lead a happy life till her babies grow up. I’ve not heard noises off-late, so, I believe, the kids are grown up, and they’ve left their homes to start a living.

This may have been a very trivial story which I could have easily forgotten, but the mother squirrel taught me a lot of values, which, I’ve rarely seen in us humans. Well, it probably is the power of civilization that has made us what we are!