It's Mother's Day... Hurray

So, finally came - The Mother's Day.  Though I have seen a lot of mother's day and ignored them, I know deep in my heart that mothers are one the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone. And I take this opportunity to tell my mom how much I love her, even though I am not very expressive, I want to tell her that she means a lot to me. Without her, I am all void.

I remember the time when she left us and went to Indonesia, I really missed her. I used to cry in the closet. Mother, I really missed you during those days. However, you have more than made up for it. You left dad and came to live with us. Even though dad would have found it hard to live without you, you sacrificed yourselves to stay with us. I cannot imagine living with a meagre income of 8000, but you made it possible. Even now, I wonder why you like travelling by bus, when you have an option of taking a taxi. I wonder how you prefer walking long distances, in search of vegetables and pulses that are cheapest. From where do you get the energy for doing it? You jump to make our favourite dishes when we demand on the fly. Although it's wrong on our part to be demanding, but still you make them without any complaints. I know you have sacrificed a lot for my health, but you need to take care of yourself now. It's high time you do.

I've made fun of you for talking in a Malayalee accent. But you were determined to talk in English. I really admire the confidence you have. I have made fun of you for not knowing how to use a computer, repeatedly. You stood strong like a rock even then. I make fun of your general knowledge. Even then you took it lightly. I have shouted loudly at you. But you never retorted. I know I have done things like this multiple times, but everytime you forgave me.

This article is to tell you that I love you a lot! Though my love for you will continue being unexpressive, I will always admire you. I have a lot to learn from you which I will, when I become a mother too. Words cannot do justice to my love for you.

With this, I put a full-stop. I end with -

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!

Believe in Middle men?

"Middle men" is what they are known as. Saints or Sadhus - call them what ever, but I do not believe in them. That's because I'm spiritual, and not religious. Even if you are religious, why do you need middlemen? Some of them preach well. And, I respect them, for their preachings. But what I fail to understand is why do you have to PRAY to them or seek their blessings? What's the differentiating factor between you and the middlemen? Is it that god listens to them more than he listens to you? Or, is it that the middleman's prayers for you are answered immediately? What's the connection like? One to one? Oh! It has to be a one to many relationship in some religions. :) 

Let me talk of an episode where I started disliking middlemen (henceforth, I'll refer to them as MM). A MM needs to have some boundaries. I vividly remember one episode where I was asked to come to a room to sort out stamps of a certain MM. I might have been 17 - 18 years of age at that time. And, I had no voice of my own. I felt uncomfortable. But I sorted the stamps fearing that he might end up doing the not-so-doable, and then I scooted from there. Never looked at his face again. I saw the same MM pinching a girl. These are situations that anyone can be in, but I didn't have the courage to tell him that as a swamiji he's losing even the respect he has made for himself in the society. 

These are small incidents that shaped my life of disliking MM. Even if you are religious, why don't you have a one to one relationship with GOD. Why take to the MM? Take it up directly with GOD. I believe, if you do good deeds, only good will come to you. I believe firmly that instead of doing pujas in a temple, feeding the poor earns you more respect as a member of the society. These are my beliefs. And they'll stay. But, if you are a god believer, then please do not entertain the so-called middlemen. They'll preach, pray for you and leave. Finally it's "jaisi karini waisi bharani" -> "What you sow, so you reap".

3-weeks into Radiation

4th week into radiation. How does it feel? Everyone asks me about it. Well, it feels tiring, traumatised by hair loss, sleepless nights, sleepy mornings :-) I've got to be careful about every thing related to me - for e.g., I shouldn't catch infection. I manage to do this with proper planning. For example, last week I visited friends at a restaurant. Initial weeks, I used to go out, but that has reduced.

So, what can we do about hair loss? Well, the first thing is being comfortable with who you are. That's being overly positive. But, it really helps. Secondly, it's being able to carry the bald look. Well,  I know how tough it can be. It's never been easy. Trust me, you'll feel better if you're bald. For e.g., take me for instance. I cut my hair short once before the surgery. And then got a boy cut done with care before radiation began. Then, I was so stressed out, because starting 3rd week, I lost hair in 2 - days :-) . So, I went to the doctor, consulted him, and asked him if it's alright to shave it off. He said ok. So, I had a hair cut by my husband :-) Btw, I still wear caps when I am outside :-)

All said and done, I have a support system which will always be there for me. And, I am waiting for the radiation + chemotherapy to be over, so that I can plan a trip to Masinagudi, which I happened to miss last time, thanks to the diagnosis!

Signing off on a positive note : Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.